Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
