I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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