She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
