she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
