You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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