trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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