Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
