i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
