girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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