He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
