Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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