I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
