so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
