She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Enjoy the penises
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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