I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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