Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
