How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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