and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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