I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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