i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
