Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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