He kissed a someone with a penis
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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