i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
