Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
