sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
