worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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