so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
