Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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