Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
