Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
