How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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