Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
