peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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