there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
