hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The adults are the big ones right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
