I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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