a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I pour the whiskey from now on
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
