Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
