Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize