Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
