I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
