Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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