this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
