I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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