the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
