So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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