Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
