I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
