Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
