yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
