I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yβall did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.π
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize