Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
