i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
