The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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