First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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