Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
