I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
