And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
