Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
