i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
