I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
