If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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