Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
