Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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