once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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