this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
