i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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