We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
