Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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